Warrior Rising —Developing an Overcoming Heart
Let the high praises of God be in their mouth,
And a two-edged sword in their hand
-Psalm 149:6
I write about grace and love because I know what it is to be at war. To hate yourself. Claw your way out from underneath generational wreckage. To be so full of anxiety that you can’t function. Can’t eat. Sleep. Unrecognizable to friends and family. Not for days or weeks or months, but years.
When your life implodes and you’re left with ashes of your former self, what are you to do? My own “strength” got me into the mess. My own strength wouldn’t save me.
A Personal Decision Point
As far as I could see, I had three options when my world came crashing down in 2010: 1) Medication for life (nothing wrong with meds btw, I am grateful for the anxiety medication that helped me through my initial recovery period), 2) Maybe check myself into a “facility,” or 3) Allow God unhindered access to do surgery on my heart.
There was no more protecting my pride—my superwoman facade had shattered. There would be no picking up the pieces. All the fears I had been hiding were on full display. Now the question was, would I face them? All the achievements and accolades that I used as a protective shield had fallen to the floor. Would I make way for healing? Discover who I really was?
In that time of decision, I knew that two things were simultaneously true. First, I would need to give God access to every area of my heart. The formerly hidden wounds were bleeding out, and there was no more covering it up. And second, in order to see redemption in my life, I would need to adopt a warrior mindset.
As I see it, there are two main benefits of breakdown. One is that you awaken to all the unfruitful patterns you’ve been living in, the low-grade stuff you never thought of as sin (like fear), seeing them with crystal clarity. The other is that, where pride once protected, God now has complete access. Humbled by default. Sure, some people still resist God, even in breakdown, but it’s much harder to do so.
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.-Psalm 149:6
Through the fog of depression, I would catch the occasional glimmer that God could bring beauty for ashes, but I knew healing would be a long journey, and that the life that I once knew—based on performance, achievement, pleasing—was over. I would need to fight to see my life restored. And I knew there was a good chance that it would look much different than how I’d been living. I would need to face the demons of fear, rejection, guilt, self-hatred, and control. My entire way of doing life needed a renovation.
I would need to address the wounds of my heart, such as where my upbringing lacked unconditional love, together with God, and allow Him to bring healing. Healing that I knew at times would be painful.
While I had a choice, I understood that trying to limp my way through life and ignoring this divine opportunity for a restart would be no life at all. I knew what I needed to do. Counting the cost, I chose to allow God to do His deepest work, knowing that it would cost me everything
From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more. Then Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you also want to go away?”
But Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. Also we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”
-John 6:66-69
The Warrior’s Invitation
At times I’ve struggled with the warrior thing. One day I feel like Xena, Warrior Princess, and the next day I’m wallowing in the trenches of self-pity. Very David of me, I know.
When my life was upended and I began the journey of healing, the self-pity/victim mindset came for me, hard. It’s a nasty one and will suck you into despair if you let it. Think Elijah— under a tree, wanting to die. God sends him an angel, food… but he still stuck (there’s the whole thing with Jezebel there, which we’ll leave to the side for now). Meanwhile God’s like…I’ve got all these people waiting for you (1 Kings 19)! But Elijah lost his spiritual vision.
When you’re neck deep in the quicksand of self-pity, you can’t see clearly. The fog of heaviness settles thick around you. God has left you, nobody understands…your situation is too bad, too far gone. There’s only one way out, and that is to stop feeding it, grab onto God’s love and your identity (even when you can’t see it or feel it), gird up your proverbial loins and fight.
There’s a memory from fifteen years ago that still burns vividly in my mind—it marked a turning point in my journey.
Sitting on the couch across from my pastors, in the hotel room turned office, I was retelling my sob story yet again. I was just in the early stages of healing from PTSD and severe burnout, and I was neck deep in self-pity. My entire life was upended, healing was painfully slow, and I felt utterly hopeless; like I was being swallowed up into darkness.
Over the flickering light of a candle (the room was dressed up as best it could), my pastors looked at me with compassion, but stopped me. I had already hashed it out so many times. While there is a place for grieving and processing, I was stuck. They discerned that my lamenting was not fruitful.
A huge sword was displayed on the office wall. My pastor walked over and took it from its mounting. Skeptically, I watched.
Sword in hand, he asked me to stand up. If you’ve ever been under the crushing weight of self-pity, you know how hard it is to break free from that defeated state of mind. Every ounce of my being wanted to remain glued to the couch, and my negative attitude. But I got up and took the sword. I felt its weight in my hands. Despite all the resistance against it, a slight smile played at the side of my mouth, at the ridiculousness of the whole thing.
“Speak to it,” he said—personifying the spiritual forces of self-pity that were pinning me down.
Holding the sword out, I sheepishly and half-heartedly began to mutter, telling the self-pity to go. As they encouraged me, weakness within me began to give way to strength. I’d been wielding the sword rather unconvincingly, and I straightened my arms, bringing the blade into a more purposeful posture. Authority rising up, I spoke to the spiritual forces that had been keeping me limited and depressed. I wasn’t yelling or doing anything crazy. I was simply letting the spiritual powers know that I wouldn’t be serving them anymore. I spoke over myself and my identity in Christ. And the air began to clear.
Driving home, I was in awe of the tremendous breakthrough I had experienced. At the same time, I was sobered. With some clarity restored, I could see how far I’d sunk into self-pity. I also knew that I would need to fight to walk in my identity. Despite the resistance I knew I would face, that moment instilled a warrior spirit that grounds me even to today.
Am I saying that you need to wave swords around and speak menacingly to everything that could be construed as enemy opposition? Nope. God’s love does a massive work of casting out darkness. Being perfected in His love and learning to walk in grace does much of the heavy lifting. At the same time, however, there is a call for us to rise in our identity as warriors.
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
-Ephesians 6:12
Our enemy has a very real mission to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). Make no mistake about it—Satan almost took me out, and he would love to take you out too. We must take an active posture against the forces of darkness.
We have a choice: Will we rise out of that which has been limiting us? Stand in the identity given by our Father? Take hold of the freedom Christ paid for? No longer tolerate that thing that’s trying to torment us?
And if we choose yes, we must learn to fight.
Activating the Warrior Mindset
The enemy is not threatened by our mere words, but by believers rooted in the love of God and their identity as children of the King. Just as athletes and military service members train, disciplining their bodies and minds, we too must condition ourselves for the battle to which we are called.
What sets warriors apart from the rest? Here are some hallmarks of those who carry a warrior’s heart.
Warriors…
Seek Healing. Warriors know that we all have wounds that must be tended to. In receiving God’s healing they are able to engage in the battle with humility, love, and strength.
Are rooted in the love and grace of God. The love and grace of God provide the foundation we need to fight with strength and precision. If we’re not rooted in His love and grace, we’ll try all kinds of tactics to fight in our own strength. Our power arises from knowing, deep within us, that we are dearly loved, and that God has our back.
Know their identity. Warriors operate as a child of God—His strength flowing through them. They know who God says they are, so they can discern when the enemy is speaking lies. They steward their thought life, not in obsession, but prioritizing partnership with God’s thinking.
Move from a posture of humility. Their strength comes from being under God’s hand. They know who they are, but they are not entitled or puffed up. Their power comes from submission. If I were to choose one most important thing in the list, and in the life of a believer, humility is it. There’s nothing God can’t do with a humble heart.
God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.
-James 4:6
Understand the power of repentance. Repentance is a powerful tool that sometimes gets a bad rap since it can be used in harsh messages. But repentance simply means to think differently. Have you been agreeing with the enemy’s thoughts in some area of your life? Whether it’s self-hatred, fear, rejection, or any other sin issue, you can break agreement with that and choose to think differently. While there’s still work to be done, repentance sets the compass of your heart in a new direction—one of agreement with heaven’s mindset over your life.
Keep feelings in perspective. If you’re like many, you have spent a lifetime denying your feelings and desires and prioritizing what everyone else wants. This is people-pleasing, and requires healing. It’s important to respect our natural needs, like food or rest—this is healthy self-love.
But feelings can get clouded by things that are not of God. We need only look to society to see what happens when we follow our feelings… but that’s a post for another day! Going back to my example of self-pity, wallowing felt like a cozy little cocoon of terribleness. If you know you know. Self-pity feels so bad but so good at the same time. But self-pity is not from God, and serving it only keeps us bound.
So how do we know which feelings we should be wary of? Anything that is not a manifestation of God’s good and loving nature—the Word reveals fear, condemnation, bitterness, to name a few. Warriors keep an eye out for these and don’t simply go with whatever they’re feeling. They measure what’s coming across their thought/feeling radar with the Word, taking thoughts captive and renewing their mind.
Embrace the process of maturity. Warriors know that strength comes from the slow, steady process of being molded by the Father. They don’t try to rush the process, but take the opportunity to learn from each season of life. They keep tough times in perspective, knowing that they are being shaped for their eternal destiny. Warriors carry a steady strength so refreshingly different from the world’s quick fix culture. Love, wisdom, and power are hewn in the depths of the fires of maturity.
Become comfortable with discomfort. Warriors are not surprised when resistance and setbacks come. When you’re aware of the battle, it’s no surprise it’s tough. Understanding that resistance sharpens and strengthens, warriors stretch themselves as they embrace God’s identity and purpose for their lives. The process is rarely comfortable, but discomfort produces strength and growth (and thankfully, God’s comfort meets us in the process!).
Have people in their corner. Warriors have one or two mature people who can speak into their life. We humans are imperfect, with big blind spots. Going it alone is unwise. If my pastors hadn’t spoken into my identity and helped me snap out of my self-pity mess, I can’t imagine how badly I would have gotten sucked into the quicksand.
Care for their body. Spirit, soul, and body are connected. Warriors steward their temple well, knowing that it keeps them in optimal condition to face the wiles of the enemy and fulfill their purpose. Sometimes what we’re attributing to the enemy is simply fatigue, blood sugar issues, or hormonal imbalances. Eating whole foods (emphasize fiber, protein, healthy fats, good carbs), moving at least 30 minutes daily, sleeping 7-8 hours/night, and minimizing and managing stress does wonders. The physical is spiritual!
Part of the challenge is that there is a war over everything I just mentioned. We can also see from our own lives and from looking at culture that there is a war over healing, beauty, living a lifestyle of rest, relationships, and Truth. Our enemy seeks to wage war on every good thing that God has for us. The battle is not in striving for our salvation, His love, or approval—we already have that, through Christ. The fight is in receiving what Jesus paid for and manifesting His Kingdom here on earth.
To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne.
-Revelation 3:21
But the love and grace of God are more powerful than anything the enemy can throw at us. These gifts have been given to us not simply for us to have nice, cozy lives. Love and grace are available for us to be well, whole, empowered to overcome. To set others free. The charge is to shine your light, undo the works of the devil, manifest heaven on earth, stand for righteousness. To undo the works of the devil. As Jesus was, so are we to be, here on planet earth. This is the war.
Warriors are made in the trenches. Tested, like Jesus in the wilderness. Warriors are made when the seas are not smooth. When God seems silent. In opposition. In pressure. In defeat. Warriors arise from the ashes. When everything burns to the ground, and nothing is left, but grace and grit, warriors become a purified vessel of love.
You are the warrior.
Beijos,
Lyn
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ps— Here’s a little poem for your warrior heart:
Before you
My heart is before You
Weapons in hand, of Your design
Feet planted in the soil of Your love
Grace flows through my veins
My eyes on You—
walking toward destiny,
fulfilling divine purpose
I will slay my dragons
Your Spirit is the sword